By
helen on March 31st, 2004
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I was thinking about heading to the Blue Gum, but it appears thigns are quiet there, so tom’s suggestion was i blog instead. So here I am.
I mostly blog with vaguely preplanned-ish thoughts, but I might just see what happens if i just write.
There’s nothing quite like writing on a blog. It’s its own unique genre really. Like a journal but with the knowledge that other people will read it…most of whom you know, but with the vague possibility that random people from the other side of the world will read it too. Quite bizarre actually.
I’m so use to not going home that it feels strange when I have the choice to, I still often don’t do it.
words words words
Wordsworth. What a name. oozing english scholarly pride.
Worth. What is time worth? we get paid for how we spend it. it never stops. its there and its gone. it can’t be contained. everyone seems to wish there was more of it (or occasioanly less of it). I never have enough of it. I reckon if I could buy more of it i would. But if i had it what would i do with it? Which bits of my life that I wish I was doing but aren’t would I choose to put in first?
Satisfaction. To be satisfied with what you have and who you are. To not live with ‘only if’s’. To stop striving for what is unreal. To be happy with reality. Yet not lose the driving yearning that longs for more, for better, for the supernatural. To be satisfied and driven. To be confident but growing. To be bold yet humble. To trust and protect. To decide and to wait.
I love my life. I hate my life.
I will.
By
helen on March 30th, 2004
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Liz now has a blog. Hoorah.
By
helen on March 30th, 2004
Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »
The problem with sleeping half the day is that you’re awake half the night…hope i won’t be too awake as we hit Davidson High at 8 in the morning.
SO I preached Sunday night.
Not sure if it was a good or bad experience. Definately a tumultuous one. ( I like the word tumultuous. Don’t think I’ve ever written it before. Is that how you spell it?)
I enjoyed some of it. Particularly the bit where I had other people up the front and people were laughing at them. I figured the best way to be funny when you’re not funny is to get other people to be funny for you. i think the only other time in the night I was funny was when I didn’t intend to be. Sorry Matt.
I had too many things to say. And some of the things I was particularly passionate about, I didn’t have much time for. Might have been a good thing in case i crossed some lines. It’s been interesting to realise things I’ve been thinking about for years are actually new and interesting for other people.
I felt like crap straight after and have been up & down ever since as i go back over it in my head. But I’ve settled now. The roller coaster is over. Just gave the tape to the person mentoring me in preaching. Bit scary. I hate the sound of my voice on tape. I don’t think I want to listen to it. Maybe in a month or so’s time.
The challenge with preaching is that you have to live what you preach or you’re a hypocrite. And you have to tell people God’s word faithfully. Feels like a heavy weight to carry.
My brother came. He found me and gave me a hug afterwards. One of those things that happens in life rarely but is precious.
My bro told me my sermon was very ‘Mike Frost’. Matt later told me I’d stolen ideas from one of his blog posts.
There is nothing new under the sun.
After frivolity at Maccas and a strange drive down Forestway including open windows and flying processsed meat, Kaye, Rach & I spontaneously headed to Avalon for a ‘wind down’. We sat in my grandfather’s holiday house in the dark under Rach’s sleeping bag staring at and listening to the waves. Lots of it in silence. Did the big debrief in my head. Before we went home we tried to have a girlie ‘who do you like?’ chat but disparingly found there wasn’t enough juice to milk. (can you milk juice??) Driving home Rach & I sang every song we could think of that we sang at St Steve’s 4 or 5 yrs ago but not anymore. very fun.
“If I hold out my hands, I wanna know that you will be the one to take and hold them…
etc
Talked to Kaye at her house then as i drove into my driveway at a very ungodly hour I rememebred I had to pick Jacqui up from the airport at 8 inthe morning. D’oh!
Drove to the airport very sleepy. Slept again when I got home.
Spoke to Michelle for an hour and half. We’re hopeless. You get us going and we try to solve all the worlds problems in one go. Bit much really.
Did a well overdue grocery shop. All is good. I feel much more in control of my life when there are fresh vegetables in the fridge.
Sat at Michel’s Patisserie in Forestville and ate a chicken pie & iced chocolate. Unnecessary but soul feeding. Mmmmm.
Teaching was fun today. My body’s starting to work again.
Brainstormed some crazy creative ideas with the Reay girls. Love ‘em. They always come up with the best ideas.
From where I stand things are looking up. Hope they are tomorrow too.
By
helen on March 27th, 2004
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I am now officially procrastinating.
Which is silly because if I wanna make it to ReFresh tonight then I have to get stuff done now.
I think I’m gonna have yet another weekend of the good old simultaneous fear & faith dichotemy. It just requires so much energy.
Last night there was lots of faith. This morning there’s lots of fear. I’m hoping that somewhere between now and tomorrow night we’ll swing back towards the faith direction.
Not quite sure why I’m having so many issues with the idea of preaching. Either its coz I’m not made to do it, or I am and I have to fight for it.
My voice is even croakier today.
Pretty funny.
By
helen on March 27th, 2004
Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »
People are more interested in
experience than theory,
in stories than ideas.
NOT ‘Is it true?’
BUT ‘Does it work?’
By
helen on March 27th, 2004
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Baptism and confirmation were very cool. I felt like a proud mum. I love my girls.
Monday I met with my new mentor. Got me all reflective. this is a good thing. and a God thing. Feel like I’ve got momentum again. Afterwards continued the momentum on the reflective thing and decided to jsut drive and allowed myself some time out. Ended up sitting by the lake in Narrabeen thinking and watching the ducks and seagulls.
I’ve never noticed how seagulls sit down on the grass and turn their heads 180 degrees and hide their beaks between their feathers. Why do they do that? Looks funny. Then i noticed that all the ducks were doing it too. Is it how they sleep? Does it keep their beaks warm?
Why is it so??
I cope with life better when i sit and think and look at nature.
Tues & Wed weren’t very productive coz I was sick.
Kids are so nice. My yr 3 & 4 scripture kids seemed to be overly concerned by the state of my health. Very cute.
Thurs morn had a massage. The muscles at the back of my chest were excruciatingly painful due to the aftermath of my asthma attack. i don’t think i’ve ever experienced pain quite like it. Twas quite strange. Got tears in my eyes. Wasn’t sure from the pain or from the memory associated with it. Got me thinking about the interrelatedness of physical, emotional and spiritual pain. Didn’t have any particularly fresh revelations about it…just confirmed that they are very interrelated in some bizarre way that I don’t think I’ll ever really get.
Went to DY and boguth a Thai Chicken Salad and sat and got excited about preaching on Sunday. Good sign.
Drove Jacqui to the airport and went through the whole emotional memory thing attached to the airport. I miss people.
Was at the library & Jo & i messaged back & forth about 20 times to try and decide whether to join the train adventure. We decided we would go ( eevn tho we were both still a bit sick) on the proviso that there would be no running and that we would come home straight away. We didn’t stick to either of those things. Oops.
Free training was really fun!! I’m glad we went.
Jo & I were on a team with Jemma against the boys team. Cool to hang out with Jemma. She’s the bomb.
We were very silly and took lots of silly photos that we thought were funny. Had lots of ‘u had to be there’ experiences. Olympic Park is really pretty at night. Got really frustrated our camera ran out of battery. Very fun to visit Jo French. She’s the bomb too.
I like being silly. I miss being silly with Helen. I might have to visit Hong Kong jsut so we can be silly together. Its hard to be spontaneously silly over the phone.
that’s all for now.
By
helen on March 26th, 2004
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Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord
Psalm 139 v 4
By
helen on March 26th, 2004
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well, I’m kinda glad the commenting fiasco appears to be coming to an end.. maybe. Keeping up was too stressful!! I’ve finally got around to posting after trying to read everything.
I must say those it is exciting having new additions to the blogging world.
I’ve just had a really bizarre/wierd/full on God kind of a night. Not really too bloggable but lets just say it involved haning round after small group, gossip, a piano, dancing, singing, crying, laughing, praying, falling over, stomping, and later practising preaching to an empty church.
I’m not wierd, I promise.
I hereby challenge Rach to blog our experience tonight in a more sensical fashion.
I have had so many posts brewing in my head over the last few days…not sure where to start or whether to bother…
Hmmmm.
By
helen on March 25th, 2004
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after a day of feeling sick & crap and stressed, I convinced Kaye & Rach to join me on an adventure to Hornsby. Very fun. I feel better today. Yay for Commie Hornsby people.
By
helen on March 25th, 2004
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I just came to the library to try and blog, but I spent the whole time trying to catch up with all the comments and new blogs. What’s with that? I don’t know if I can keep up! The library is closing now…
maybe tomorrow…