Today, being a public holiday was full of fun things.
A car trip with Jo K!! (all is well in the world again)
Birthday celebrations for Jo F
Interesting chats with random people from insititutions I’ve studied at
A dance lesson with Martine
Champagne and orange for breakfast and dinner!
a first to Narabeen beach
a swim and a sun bake
Hearing testimonies of ‘why I became a vegetarian’
dinner with Mum, Dad, Chris & Janet at Avalon
Noice.
Kaye and I just went on an adventure to find Jo at the airport. Very fun. My little Jo’s back!!! (been feeling all mothery). Looking good and on a big high. Can’t wait to hear all the stories.
I then took myself to Dee Why headland to attempt to process my emotional roller coaster of a day. Don’t you hate it when something happens and it manages to stir up a whole heap of things from the past that ypu thoguth you’d dealt with and moved on from, but actually discover there’s still a whole heap of intense emotions attached to it all?? Bler! I tried to think and pray it all through and just ended up moving my brain around in circles. At least it was circles with a fresh sea breeze and moonlit waves rolling towards me. The moon and clouds were beautiful and dramatic. And the stars seemed to appear sneakly throughout the night. Having failed at processing successfully with my mind, I found myself being nicely vibey and dancing by the poolside. Somewhere in the proces sof throwing my body around to music in my head I managed to find a peace that I can only attribute to the Holy Spirit, in his grace.
He is good and real.
I will worship you, Lord
I will praise you for the good things you do
No matter how I feel
Your just as worthy just as real
Yes I will worship you, O Lord
I will live for you, Lord
I commit my life to your will and way
…
I’ll try to love you more each day
Yes I will live for you, O Lord
I’m so sorry my Lord
For the pain I cause when I disobey
Sometimes I try but fail
Sometimes I jsut go my own way
Please forgive me my gracious God
Help me love people, Lord
Help me give for others all that I can
For when I trust in you
Your love enables strengthens me
Will you love through me, Father God?
Philip Swan
Last night I decided I love my job. I love people. I love seeing God work. I missed everyone. And the hard stuff, well its not so bad when you’re reminded of what God is doing and the people you have the privilege of working with.
My efforts to work less this year are going dismally. Yesterday I worked about 13 hours and today a similar number, and there’s still lots to do before Friday. Oh dear.
Today we spent 3 hours together as a staff team. I think they’re great. Thanks God.
Welcome back, Tom.
Last night I got home after having been at work for the last 13 hours and discovered I still needed to read the papers on ‘Time Management’ for the staff meeting today. So I made myself a cup of tea, grabbed a Krispy Kreme and read the papers watching the clock tick past midnight. Slightly ironic it felt.
How beautiful is Amelie? Mary & I watched it as my first ever DVD purchase on Sat night. Mmm. La vie est belle.
Oo, and I saw Jo K on MSN this arvo. I was having a late lunch and lookign for company and there she was!! Can’t wait to have her back. 
I’m about to go and buy a new phone.
Ryan has just suggested I have a funeral for the old one. I’m not sure of I can go there. It’s hard to believe that something that was so significant in my life for so long in connecting me to the wider world out yonder has now caused me so much grief. Our relationship deteriorated slowly over time, I must admit. And I didn’t realise just how much it was causing me distress till the last straw came at midnight the other night when it finally decided to die. I thought I would be ok when it finally gave up on me, but it was just as Helen & I finally managed to connecct after weeks on end of not being able to talk. Forgiveness is in order I know, but how can you forgive when you feel so betrayed?
Maybe Ryan is right. Maybe I should say goodbye properly. I’m tempted to deal with my anger by tearing it apart and then solemnly disposing of it with reflections on the good times we once had talking for hours on end in my room late at night. The tears, the laughter, the chit chat.
Nevertheless, I’m off to find a replacement. It won’t be easy, but I feel I’m ready to move on and learn to connect again.
Today is a new beginning.
Well, I feel like I want to blog, but I’m not sure what there is to say.
Being back at work has been hard. But I’m sure I’ll get into the swing of it all properly soon. I think I just don’t like the uncerainty of this time of year, with things still up in the air. Once everything’s happening and God’s done his usual 11th hour show up of grace and provision, then I’ll feel a little more settled.
Trust is hard.
I think I’ll always be learning it.
Yesterday I had a dinner break in between work by walking along Dee Why Beach and making to dinner to Jamie Cullem and reading Captain Correlli. Oh so good. I think my year will go better if I keep up with learning to do breaks well.
Today I visited my ex-lecturer now friend and her babies. We talked about the past and the future. It was good and clarifying. I think I’m going to be doing lots of big thinking this year. God, please guide.
I then had a coffee with Nicole and talked about Projects for this year. I’m quite excited. You can tell I’ve had a holiday. I’m starting to feel the creative juices flowing again. I’m excited about seeing what’s going to come out of other people this year too. People really are amazing.
I’m really glad I went away. It really is therapeutic to get out of familiar surroundings and explore places you’ve never been before. I got so use to seeing place names on green signs that I’d never heard of. And everything changed when I started to recognise them again. I felt like we were home.
What a vast, diverse, amazing country we live in. Driving across states really gives you some perspective on it.
I think I have a new appreciation for Sydney now. Both postively and negatively. Or perhaps a more real perspective. I like the fact that there is so much happening in Sydney. I love our beaches. I’m aware that we’re busy and arrogant and brash and road raging. But it’s all I’ve ever known and I think I’d find living somewhere else in Australia quite quiet and slow. But maybe that would be a good thing!
You can’t spend two weeks living in the pockets of 8 other people without learning lots about yourself and having to do a bit of work. I loved the people on the trip and learnt heaps from them. I’m mostly amazed at their care and graciousness. I became very aware of my own selfishness, failings and ability to say things I regret. Thank God for grace. We see it more clearly when we choose to walk closely together. I feel challenged to keep walking closely with people and not run away when it gets hard. Why? Because we’re designed to walk together. And the benefits way outweigh the hardness.
God, help me keep walking with people and not run away.
People are great.
The Great Ocean Road was beautiful. I got to drive most of it which I enjoyed but was tiring. Such diversity from rock formations, expanses of ocean and beach and winding roads through rainforest. We really do live in an amazing country. Our Indian friends had fun posing for photos throughout the trip, not to mention our newly found Japanese friends!
I enjoyed seeing Melbourne for the first time. I liked the vibe. Would love to go back and spend some more time there when not feeling so exhausted. Did some shopping in Queen Victoria markets where I bought some earrings and a skirt which I have now decided I love :). Took a tram out to St Kilda. I’ve always wanted to see what St Kilda was like after reading Tim Costello’s Streets of Hope. So now I have. Jo, Jem, Ryan & I had coffee and zucchini chips and I told my life story. Jo left us (sad!) and some of us visited Soul Survivor. I spent the worship thanking God for the miracles he’s worked in my life. Its so good to get a long perspective. It was nice to spend a night at Soul with no responsibility. Was good to hear Hugh Evans speak and hear some fresh reports on what life is like in Indonesia at the moment. God also challenged me to let go of some stuff, which I think I did. Good stuff. And I was excited to see people from home…though wierd as it was.
We stayed in the YHA in Melbourne. Fun fun. I’d like to go back there.
The next 2 days were driving and quite tiring.
Sunday night I went straight to church and felt like a bit of a zombie. It was great to see everyone, but a little overwhelming with the thought of launching into work for 2005.
So here I am back in life again, kinda wishing I was still away. But I’m sure I’ll ease back into everything again. Particularly once I’ve worked out a routine and things are in place.
Mon - plans to go to a dance class failed. HOT HOT HOT. Read in the Botanic Gardens. Drinks at a pub. Saw my first movie by myself - Apres Vous. Very fun. Particularly because it was in French. I like French humour. Visited a Tsunami charity bands night at a pub in Hindmarsh. Enjoyed Beatles covers, but left early with a headache which turned into something like a migraine 
Tues - sick. Morning in. Quite refreshing. Took off for the beach. Freeway closed due to fires. Ended up in Henley. Beautiful sunset, jetty, swim. Nice way to finish off Adelaide. Drove back on the freeway witnessing the last dregs of the fire. Fascinating. Lots of fire fighters still out and working. Howie had left our party
Wed - left Adelaide! Sad. But good times had by all. Lots of driving and changing scenery. Jo’s life story. Wow. Awesome. Stop off in Keith with a fun roller coaster like train in the playground. Oh to be a kid again! Beautiful beach, sunset and dinner in Warrnambool.
Tomorrow Great Ocean Road here we come!
I’m still really enjoying our time in Adelaide, though feeling a little weary today.
Hmmm, what have we done again???
Friday - went on a bushwalk in a Gorge with waterfalls and views over Adelaide. So refreshing with lots of staring into space time. All I need is a bit of nature therapy to keep me going :). Jo & I both went but did the round trip in opposite directions. Fun. Jo’s great. Went & read in the park, visited Ausdance, talked to Jo K before she left for her trip. Saw Breakfast at Tiffany’s in the Botanic Park. Freezing!! I liked the stars. And the old time movie.
Saturday - Went to Glenelg on the tram, how fun are trams? Swam at the beach. I like the beach. But I’ve decided I’m going to appreciate Sydney beaches much more when I get home. I drank coffee again. Watched some of the Sydney Tsunami concert in the cafe. Then ventured to the jetti for the sunset over the water. It was beautiful. Lots of fun and silly photos.
Sunday - Church at the city Pilgrim Uniting Church. Had flashbacks to my Uniting roots. Wrote reflections on things I want to do and be in 2005. Talked to some fascinating people. Was amused by people’s reaction to us once they found out Tom & I are youth ministers. Would be nice to be a normal person in a church. Had lunch with Lesley at Mylor Cafe. SO nice. Quaint, relaxing. Local artwork. Good food, good coffee, good company, good conversation. Explored Adelaide Hills and visited the local markets at Uraidla. Met nice people, tasted wine and bought a fun hat. At night we visited Paradise, the land of Planet Shakers. Fascinating to see something in action you’ve heard a lot about. Me & God had words. Twas good.
Last night I decided I want to learn to love God’s people better. I don’t want to sit in church services anymore and analyse what I do and don’t like about how things are done and how I would do them differently. I just want to love God’s people. And celebrate our diversity. After all, we’re family.